Triplet Girls
Yesterday, Sunday June 19th, we revealed to everyone we were having triplets, not twins as we had been told by our doctor. Not only did we reveal we were having triplets, but we also did a gender reveal cake cutting party.
My wife and I had a 3D/4D ultrasound done on Thursday, the day we found out we were in fact having triplets. She wrote the gender down, put it in a sealed envelope and then we gave that to the baker. She made the layers of the cake to represent the gender and number of babies. Three pink layers for triplet girls.
We cut the cake just after 1 pm on a warm afternoon. All our guests thought it was going to be twins, so when we cut the cake, the initial suprise was for the gender. My wife and I were the only two, besides our kids, that knew it was triplets. We held up 3 fingers to indicate triplets, and people started to pick it up. More shock set in.
To say the general mood was shock, would be an understatement. We had all come to terms with twins, which now sounds easy. My wife and I now look at moms with 1 child somewhat jealously. You and your one baby...
This isn't to say we are excited, but when you only have 2 hands the thought of caring for triplets is daunting. I'm sure we'll have good and bad days. At this point all seems somewhat normal besides the increase in frequency of doctor appointments. Our doctor seems to indicate that if it's in fact triplets, we will no longer see her, but a specialist in Walnut Creek Kaiser. The appointment for a consultation is 2.5 weeks out, and the actual tentative ultrasound with radiology is 3.5 weeks out. It lines up to be on the 19th week of gestation.
I was in total shock until last night. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't really think. Panic mode and adrenaline seemed to keep me going. Finally last night, I went to bed about 10:30 and slept well. I don't know if it was not knowing the gender, the overwhelming news that is was triplets, or the fact that we kept it all a secret. Either way, it was all out yesterday and I finally got a good nights rest. I'm especially cherishing sleep at this point. Yes the load will be on my wife, but she tends to get the sleep she needs and is a good sleeper. I, on the other hand, do not sleep well in the first place.
Looking back I don't think I would change anything. Telling everyone together was still the best way. My son, who was dead set on 2 blues, was inconsolable when he say all that pink. Having come from a family of 4 boys (no multiples) it really broke my heart. I still feel like crying when I think of his sadness. I know I really wanted another boy, at least one, and I can completely understand him wanting a brother. Why does this news bring such sadness. I love my daughter more than anything and wouldn't even think of trading her in. I know that's who I'll feel eventually too. But at the moment, it does bring a lot of emotion. This is also connected to feelings from losing my mom in a tragic accident several years ago. She never even knew we were pregnant with my oldest, and always wanted a girl. When you lose a mother, you have good and bad days. At this point, mostly good days. I miss her more than anything, but the pain has become survivable. However these last few days, those wounds have been reopened to a deep level. You just want to share certain thoughts and know somehow it's all going to be alright with your mom.
I've never really dealt with emotion too terribly well. "Solder on" has been my motto for a very long time. I started to give that up the last few years as I tried to grow in business and personal life. Somehow growing means turning over very deep things and allowing them to grow, or removing them, from who you are. I've tried to remove the habits and ideas from myself that aren't who I want to be, and therefor also build on characteristics that represent what and who I want to be. Bottom line is, people in business or personally don't really want to be with someone without passion. That is willing to open themselves up to others and be hurt. Real leaders that I've studied have deep passion, which means the "Solder on" way of thinking had to go. Yeah, I still have days where I revert, but it means caring and asking how someone is, and really listening.
As I wrap this post up, for another day, I reflect on many of the feelings I've gone through just writing this. I'm sure they'll be days out on my bike, especially towards that last summit when I'm overwhelmed with these and more thoughts. When you go deep in physical training, really pushing limits, it seems to open up emotions that I've buried. Sometimes it helps me grow, other times I learn, but it always seems to help me confront them. Somehow I have a feeling the triplets will be similar.